Mmm. Deadliness of irony 3?

On Thursday I went shopping with my mates. Lets call one of them - Jane.Jane came over to my house in the morning, and we set off for the train station 18 minutes before the departure time.
I stumbled around with my boots, attempting to walk.
There was a can on the road by us that was going so slow. Whoops, I meant "van on the road". My brother forbade me to use the backspace key.
There was a van on the road by us that was going so slow. Then, it drove ahead of us. Then, it pulled over. So we walked ahead of it again.
Excuse my bad narration.
So we joked about, saying we overtook the van. Hahahahaha.
We had to walk by a primary school, and there was this sign-y thing that lit up with '30' if you went too fast (over 30 mph theoretically). I made this hilarious joke about how the thing lit up when we past it, but we just didn't see it because we were too fast. Hahahahaha.
Walk. walk. walk.
We arrived at the train station.


And, er, how do I say this.



Well, we missed the train.

By 3 minutes.


Even though every time I set off 18 minutes before I make it in time.

So, er, it seems we were a bit, well, slow.

The next train was in 2 hours.

Deadliness of Irony 2

Everybody knows that girls are more complicated than boys, especially in their friendship.
While I was on the bus on the way home, my friend, lets call him boy, started slating off girls on how fickle their friendships were. How they always seemed to have arguments every half and hour then make up right after. His friend, lets call him boy2, nodded fervently backing him 'mate' up.
I argued back that when girls argue its because they have a problem they want to deal with and when they make up they are better friends because the problem is dealt with. Meanwhile boys, only keep stuff to themselves and punch each other.

THEN, this argument continued for the majority of the bus journey. Boy2 saw the light and started arguing FOR my point.
And while slating that girls have pointless arguments, boy started calling boy2 names, and boy2 started shouting at boy. They were full on arguing about how they hated each other. boy2 even made boy cry.
It was such a girly argument, and ruined two boy's friendship.
For that day anyway, they made up afterwards.

The deadliness of irony

Knives are extremely dangerous, they have a sharp blade, they're heavy and you could easily cut yourself - I'd like to argue.
Daddy disagreed, he said they were no more dangerous than chairs, which have edges, sharp corners and are heavy.
Pah, I thought, there's no way chairs are more dangerous than knives.
Daddy then pointed out how much I would like it if I dropped a chair on my toe. Not much I guess. But I thought that was less likely than losing control of a knife and hurting yourself.

An hour later
I was vacuuming
I moved some chairs to vacuum under the table
I dropped the chair on my little toe
Now my little toe is bleeding
That is irony.