Fire alarms don't actually work

When a fire alarm goes off..... whats supposed to happen is everyone panics slightly then makes their way outside.

Well, I was performing in a concert in a secondary school the other day, and just before the concert started the fire alarm went off.
What ACTUALLY happened was...

"Whats that noise?"
"Its the fire alarm."
"God! Its so loud, can someone switch it off!"

"Oh my god... who set off the fire alarm."
"Eurgh why does it have to go off now?"

Everybody stood still, looking annoyed with their fingers in their ears.

Moral of the story, if there ever is a fire, setting a fire alarm is the worst idea.

The deadliness of irony

Knives are extremely dangerous, they have a sharp blade, they're heavy and you could easily cut yourself - I'd like to argue.
Daddy disagreed, he said they were no more dangerous than chairs, which have edges, sharp corners and are heavy.
Pah, I thought, there's no way chairs are more dangerous than knives.
Daddy then pointed out how much I would like it if I dropped a chair on my toe. Not much I guess. But I thought that was less likely than losing control of a knife and hurting yourself.

An hour later
I was vacuuming
I moved some chairs to vacuum under the table
I dropped the chair on my little toe
Now my little toe is bleeding
That is irony.

Losing my voice

Today,
I
lost
my
voice.

It was so strange having words planned and said but not coming out of your mouth and unable to hear it.
However, this has made me realised how I much I talk. I realise that our 'conversations' don't really happen as it is usually just me talking them nodding. Embarassingly, I also notice I talk to myslef.

God, I want my voice back, but I suppose it really makes me realise how much I talk. Too much.